Prologue

I find myself standing in an empty corridor outside room 11 at the hospice where I left mum literally a few moments ago.

My palms are sweaty, breath heavy and heart racing.

"Your mummy has left us" dad's voice said over the phone but that couldn't be possible - could it?

I have a flash back to when I was with her just a moment ago - holding her hand and trying to remember lines to nursery rhymes she used to sing to me all the time as a child; her eyes partially open from all the morphine, I still carried on singing ignoring the harsh fact that she probably could not hear me.

Shortly after, dad walked through the door having freshened up at home and now ushering me to do the same, so I jumped up, kissed mum on the forehead and then grabbed dad's keys to the car so I could do just that; mum always had a strong sense of smell so perhaps it was me and not the morphine making her so groggy I thought to alleviate the moment so what changed?

I find myself back outside the door and trembling, push the handle down and the door falls open.

There is a stillness in the air.

Dad is on the other side of the bed away from the door, his hand on his forehead he stares out of the window whilst mum lies in her bed...a statue. No sign of breathing, or any movement at all.

"Mum...mum?" I call out, my voice getting quieter and quieter as I walk closer to her hoping she will flinch and ask me not to be so loud as she always used to when she had more strength - but there is nothing.

I touch her and she is already growing cold.

My breath becomes heavier and tears well up as I lean over and kiss her on the forehead as I had mere moments ago.

As I look up, my dad is looking at me with tears also in his eyes but with an expression that clearly exudes sadness not for the loss of his beloved but the upset of seeing his little boy finally realise there was no miracle to come; no cure this time.

I walk round to the other side of the bed where dad sits and break down, my head falling into his lap like a lead weight and I begin to sob.