I return to the chaos around the cars especially the ambulance, and cannot see my dad, sister or Tanny anywhere...in fact, being as short as I am, I can see little over the crowds gathered, so I shove my way through again to get to the epicentre.
Despite many a rude glare from people clearly wondering who on earth I was, trying to take up their prime position at the front row, I manage to to make it through only then to realise that everyone including my family had been lead off elsewhere as save for Goldie near the open end of the Ambulance barking orders at the driver, navigator and another 4 assistants desperately trying to untie mum from her resting place therein, no one I recognise are around and Goldie"s company was not what I needed right now.
I turn to go find them but then there is a pang of guilt - "You can't leave mum here with Goldie though..." - and I about turn practically spinning on the spot like a crude ballerina and march back to the ambulance.
The guys trying to undo the knots are struggling beyond belief with the knots but then, "Why none of them are thinking of say, using that sharp tool that can easily cut through things...what is it called? Oh yeah, a knife, is beyond me!" I sarcastically jest.
Goldie is visibly getting annoyed at the incompetence and shouting at the top of his voice at them to get their act together as they consistently look up at each other getting more and more fearful as to what he will do to them if they do not sort themselves out soon...so I decide to intervene.
Being the ever prepared boy scout courtesy of mum having put me through not just her own rigorous training of always being prepared for whatever life had to throw at you, but also 6 years in the military scouts whilst we lived in Bangladesh, unbelievably whenever I travel I tend to carry my small but very useful diviing knife strapped to the shin of my right leg.
Weird, I know but then again, I am a guy who always carries a magic bag with him...something to discuss another time.
Anyway, as Goldie's blood continues to boil I rudely interupt, "Has anyone considered just cutting the ropes?" I say swinging my knife around like I was waving a saber from an old fashioned pirate movie.
Goldie goes silent and the assistants look at each other somehwat dumbfounded as to where on earth I got the knife let alone the fact that none of them had even thought of doing that.
As they all contemplate the stupidity of the situation and move out of my way, I step into the ambulance and cut the ropes one by one and throw them to the ground. With each thud of the rope I look at mum lying peaceful and still within the confines of her wooden box and with the last rope dropping to the floor, I whisper into mum's ears - "You're home mum."
I step back out the ambulance as Goldie says nothing but merely pats me on my shoulders for a job well done and then orders the guys to lift her out and asks them to follow him through some open double doors leading into a fairly empty front room of the small white bungalow where the family have cleared a space on the floor to lay mum down until plans for the next service within the village had been sorted.
The empty white room has a small sofa running along one wall and oddly enough, a four poster double bed with a mosquito net hung over it in another corner. There are no pictures on any of the walls save for a small frame on a coffee table next to the sofa saying the words "Allah is the greatest" in arabic beyond which I can see another door leading out of the room further into the bungalow.
I take a look around hoping to see dad or someone I actually wanted to be with myself and mum but see no one really amongst the plethora of folk enjoying the spectacle.
There are faces peering in through the double doors from the outside and even a crowd gathered outside the open window letting some light into the room. No one is saying much though as they keep looking me up and down and staring back at mum in her coffin; don't get me wrong, there is some speaking going on but words are being spoken so softly that all I can really make out over the whirring of the ceiling fan running full blast to keep the room cool are muffled echoes of people's murmurs in the empty room.
Suddenly I spot little Princess and her mother standing in amongst all those gathered within the confines of the tiny room but it isn't until Princess's father bursts in that I realise that mum had been placed into the house of sordid goings on!
I want to say something like "mum would be disgusted being left here until we make our next move - can we take her somewhere immediately!!!" but the sheer inappropriateness of doing that and the shame that it would bring to the Khans for such behaviour prevents me from following through on my instincts.
Princess's father pushes me out of the way and steps so close to mum's coffin that a centimetre closer and he might as well be standing on top of her.
He is a sliver of the man I used to know. Very dark with extremely short grey cropped hair wearing a safari suit too sizes too small; his belly is the only thing giving him any weight at all - bulging over his waist line, pushing the buttons of his shirt to cause a ripple all the way down. He stands and stares at the coffin - sweating like mad with tears in his eyes.
Although I have little respect for the man for not kicking the shit out of Goldie, I feel a serious sense of sorrow seeing him like this.
Last time I had seen him his life was so much in order and mum was alive and well..."Now? Now he is living with a wife who is fucking his brother and through necessity, is having to live with it all all because of cultural pressures and for the beautiful little daughter he has - that might not even be his daughter anyway...add to that he is now standing next to the coffin of his older sister who was the closest thing to a mother he had ever really known..."
I walk up to him and standing next to him put my arms over his shoulders. Princess's father looks away from mum and looks straight into my eyes - "Gayer mae gaye feeroth ach-chay, thai nah?"
"Yes uncle, the village girl has returned to the village." I say, tears starting to roll down my face out of nowhere.
He hugs me so tight I find it hard to breathe at first but his grip starts to loosen allowing me to take hold of him too.
"Oh, gayer mae...oh, village girl...oh, my mother...Oh Allah - you bastard...why not me! Why not me instead!" Princess's father shrieks as he continues to hug me.
I want to say something reassuring but words fail me - at least I got see mum one last time - he had not seen her for a good few years!
Suddenly his grip seems to loosen much much more and with his chest so close to mine I can tell his breathing is getting far too slow to be healthy so I take hold of him extra tightly and quickly looking round see one of my lanky cousins standing to my left...
"Grab him...grab him!!!!" I shout across as I feel Princess's father dropping to his knees...a dead weight in my arms.
My cousin dashes to my side as does Goldie who I step in front of before he can even try to touch him, as my cousin and I lay him gently on to the ground next to mum.
Princess and her mother begin screaming as the crowds surrounding us swamp us out of nowhere. There is utter chaos as screams begin getting louder and louder and the space around us gets smaller and smaller.
I repeatedly ask people to give us some room but my comments cannot be heard over the kerfufle.
I feel my Western side kicking in - to take effective action rather than add to the drama - so I look at my cousin who cannot believe what is happening; panic written allover his face.
"Where is the nearest doctor?" I ask but he is a million miles away.
I snap my fingers in front of his eyes intermittently and try again, "where the fuck is the nearest doctor in this fucking village bro??? OI! Official bodyguard! Talk to me!"
"I have no...no idea!" he says hesitantly.
Thinking out of the box, the penny drops - "Dad!"
I try to stand up and my head slams into the chin of some random from the village but instead of saying sorry I rub the top of my head as I think it is time to screw tradition - being all quiet and demure because my mother was dead, because I had no seen anyone for years so should be respectful, because I was a mere child!!!
"Give us some room...move! All of you get the FUCK back!!!!!"
People including Princess and her mother jump out of their skins at my attitude as I order my cousin and Goldie to try lifting Princess's father to the bed whilst I run off to get dad...despite being a panicker and a hypochondriac when it came to himself, "Dad was a bloody amazing doctor so if anyone could sort this out it would be him okay?" I shout over to Princess who now has tears rolling down her face as she hugs her mother tight.
And with that I push through the crowd and run outside to find dad...the last thing we needed was another death to add to the trauma from that last few days...
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